Rudolf Dreikurs: "Above all, remember that..."

"Above all, remember that we are not working for perfection, but only for improvement. Watch for the little improvements, and when you find them, relax and have faith in your ability to improve further."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p56)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "When you try a..."

"When you try a new technique and it works, be glad. When you fall back into old habits, don't reproach yourself. You need to constantly reinforce your own courage, and to do so, you need the courage to be imperfect. ... Dwelling on your mistakes saps your courage. Remember, one cannot build on weakness -- only on strength."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p56)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "Parental love is best..."

"Parental love is best demonstrated through constant encouragement toward independence."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p55)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "Praise, as a means..."

"Praise, as a means of encouragement, must be used very cautiously. It can be dangerous. If the child sees praise as a reward, then lack of it becomes scorn. If he is not praised for everything he does, the child feels that he has failed. Such a child does things in the hope of winning a reward rather than doing them for the satisfaction of contribution. Therefore, praise could easily lead to discouragement since it would fortify the child's mistaken concept that unless he is praised, he has no value. It is better to use simple comments such as, 'I'm glad you can do it!' 'How nice!' 'I appreciate what you have done.' 'See, you can do it.'"

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p55)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "We can only build..."

"We can build only on strength, not on weakness."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p53)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "Our adult lives are..."

"Our adult lives are filled with pain and discomfort. They are part of life. Unless children learn to tolerate pain, bumps, bangs, and discomforts, they will live with a serious handicap. We cannot protect our children from life. Therefore, it is essential to prepare them for it. Feeling sorry for children is one of the most seriously damaging attitudes we can have. It so greatly demonstrates to them and to ourselves that we lack faith in them and their ability to cope with adversities."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p51)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "A bully is always..."

"A bully is always a child who, as a result of initial discouragement, has assumed that one is big only when he can show his power. He is discouraged; not naughty and mean. We must distinguish between the doer and the deed."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p50)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "Whenever we admonish a..."

"Whenever we admonish a child to 'be a good boy' we imply that we expect him to consider being bad and that we lack faith in his desire to be good."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p49)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "There is no pat..."

"There is no pat answer nor any definitive rule for encouraging children. It all depends upon the child's response."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p46)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "Contrary to popular opinion..."

"Contrary to popular opinion, stimulating competition between two children does not encourage. Instead, it emphasizes the hopelessness of the situation to the discouraged child and creates apprehension in the successful one that she may not be able to stay ahead. She is overambitious and sets up impossible goals for herself. Unless she is always ahead, she may consider herself a failure, too."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p44)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "The loss of milk..."

"The loss of milk is less important than the loss of confidence... A bruised knee will mend: bruised courage may last a lifetime..."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p41-42)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "Genuine happiness is not..."

"Genuine happiness is not dependent upon the attention of others but arises from within oneself as a result of self-sufficiency."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p41)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "The child who doubts..."

"The child who doubts his own ability and his own value will demonstrate it through his deficiencies. He no longer seeks to belong through usefulness, participation and contributions... To be spanked is better than to be ignored. And there is some distinction in being known as "the bad boy." Such a child has become convinced that there is no hope of gaining a place through co-operative behavior."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p39)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "Half the job of..."

"Half the job of encouraging a child lies in avoiding discouragement either by humiliation or by overprotection. Anything we do that supports a child's lack of faith in herself is discouraging."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p38-39)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "...'failure' indicates only a..."

"...'failure' indicates only a lack of skill and in no way affects the value of the person. Courage is found in one who can make a mistake a fail without feeling lowered in his self-esteem. This "courage to be imperfect" is equally needed by children and adults. Without it, discouragement is inevitable."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p38)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "When a child makes..."

"When a child makes a mistake or fails to accomplish a certain goal, we must avoid any word or action which indicates that we consider him a failure. 'Too bad that didn't work.' 'I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.' We need to separate the deed from the doer."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p38)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "To save a plate..."

"To save a plate, we break a child's confidence in his own budding ability... we thwart a child's attempts to discover his own strength and ability."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p38)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "Instead of allowing our..."

"Instead of allowing our children to test their strength in a hundred different ways, we confront them constantly with our prejudice -- our doubt in their ability -- and then justify this by setting up standards for various age levels by which children may be trusted to do things."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p37)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "In a thousand subtle..."

"In a thousand subtle ways, by the tone of voice and by action, we indicate to the child that we consider him inept, unskilled, and generally inferior."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p37)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "A misbehaving child is..."

"A misbehaving child is a discouraged child."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p36)