Laurie Frankel: "Parenting always involves this balance..."

 "No matter the issue, parenting always involves this balance between what you know, what you guess, what you fear, and what you imagine. You're never certain, even (maybe especially) about the big deals, the huge, important ones with all the ramifications and repercussions. But alas, no one can make these decisions, or deal with their consequences, but you."

- from This is How it Always Is by Laurie Frankel (author's note)

Laurie Frankel: "... and if they could not entirely plan..."

 "... and if they could not entirely plan for who she might be two and ten and twenty years from now, they didn't need to. They could make hard decisions, together, when it was time to decide, and in the meantime, they could embrace what was now and what was good. They could be mindful of what was hard for everyone... the trouble all humans in the whole world had knowing who they were and what they needed and what would help the mysterious, unknowable, miraculous beings in their care."

- from This is How it Always Is by Laurie Frankel

John Adams: "I must study..."

"I must study politics and war that my sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. My sons ought to study mathematics and philosophy, geography, natural history, naval architecture, navigation, commerce, and agriculture, in order to give their children a right to study painting, poetry, music..."

Patricia Ellis Herr: "I hate this..."

"I hate this. Nature is cruel... Life is full of pain. I don't want my daughters to ever really know this or understand it, but they must. It is the way things are. To sugarcoat reality is to lie, and I don't lie to my children."

–Patricia Ellis Herr, UP: A Mother and Daughter's Peakbagging Adventure

Patricia Ellis Herr: "What matters is that..."

"What matters is that, for the rest of their lives, both my daughters understand that to reach a goal, they must put one foot in front of the other and persevere. They know that they must expect and prepare for challenges. They know to ignore the naysayers and, instead, to have faith in themselves and their abilities to learn what they need to know. Above all else, they know that little does not mean weak, that girls are indeed strong, and that practically anything is possible."

–Patricia Ellis Herr, UP: A Mother and Daughter's Peakbagging Adventure

Barbara Kingsolver: "From a biological perspective..."

"From a biological perspective, the ultimate act of failure is to raise helpless kids."

—Barbara Kingsolver, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle

Barbara Kingsolver: "Where my kids are concerned..."

"Where my kids are concerned I find myself hoping for the simplest things: that if someday they crave orchards where their kids can climb into the branches and steal apples, the world will have trees enough with arms to receive them."

—Barbara Kingsolver, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle

Barbara Kingsolver: "We all cultivate illusions..."

"We all cultivate illusions of safety that could fall away in the knife edge of one second."

—Barbara Kingsolver, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle

Barbara Kingsolver:" A thriving field of..."

"A thriving field of vegetables is as needy as a child, and similarly, the custodian's job isn't done till the good have matured and moved out."

—Barbara Kingsolver, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle

Barbara Kingsolver: "I enjoy denial as..."

"I enjoy denial as much as the next person, but this isn't rocket science: our kids will eventually have to make food differently."

—Barbara Kingsolver, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle

Rudolf Dreikurs: "Above all, remember that..."

"Above all, remember that we are not working for perfection, but only for improvement. Watch for the little improvements, and when you find them, relax and have faith in your ability to improve further."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p56)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "When you try a..."

"When you try a new technique and it works, be glad. When you fall back into old habits, don't reproach yourself. You need to constantly reinforce your own courage, and to do so, you need the courage to be imperfect. ... Dwelling on your mistakes saps your courage. Remember, one cannot build on weakness -- only on strength."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p56)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "Parental love is best..."

"Parental love is best demonstrated through constant encouragement toward independence."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p55)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "Praise, as a means..."

"Praise, as a means of encouragement, must be used very cautiously. It can be dangerous. If the child sees praise as a reward, then lack of it becomes scorn. If he is not praised for everything he does, the child feels that he has failed. Such a child does things in the hope of winning a reward rather than doing them for the satisfaction of contribution. Therefore, praise could easily lead to discouragement since it would fortify the child's mistaken concept that unless he is praised, he has no value. It is better to use simple comments such as, 'I'm glad you can do it!' 'How nice!' 'I appreciate what you have done.' 'See, you can do it.'"

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p55)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "We can only build..."

"We can build only on strength, not on weakness."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p53)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "Our adult lives are..."

"Our adult lives are filled with pain and discomfort. They are part of life. Unless children learn to tolerate pain, bumps, bangs, and discomforts, they will live with a serious handicap. We cannot protect our children from life. Therefore, it is essential to prepare them for it. Feeling sorry for children is one of the most seriously damaging attitudes we can have. It so greatly demonstrates to them and to ourselves that we lack faith in them and their ability to cope with adversities."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p51)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "A bully is always..."

"A bully is always a child who, as a result of initial discouragement, has assumed that one is big only when he can show his power. He is discouraged; not naughty and mean. We must distinguish between the doer and the deed."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p50)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "Whenever we admonish a..."

"Whenever we admonish a child to 'be a good boy' we imply that we expect him to consider being bad and that we lack faith in his desire to be good."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p49)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "There is no pat..."

"There is no pat answer nor any definitive rule for encouraging children. It all depends upon the child's response."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p46)

Rudolf Dreikurs: "Contrary to popular opinion..."

"Contrary to popular opinion, stimulating competition between two children does not encourage. Instead, it emphasizes the hopelessness of the situation to the discouraged child and creates apprehension in the successful one that she may not be able to stay ahead. She is overambitious and sets up impossible goals for herself. Unless she is always ahead, she may consider herself a failure, too."

—Rudolf Dreikurs, Children: The Challenge (p44)